This summer I have read:
Beaker's Dozen a brilliant science fiction short story collection by Pamela Kress
Greenmantle by one of my favorite fantast authors Charles DeLint
Seventh Son, a fantasy novel by Orson Scott Card
Akira, a fantastic 6 part postapocalyptic  manga
Don't cramp my style, a collection of short stories by, for, and about women
 Not the only one , a collection of short stories about GLBTQ teens
Nightwatch, a Russian novel about vampires and other supernatural beings


I am reading:
Perdido Street Station, a breathtaking fantasy novel from China Mieville
Looking for Jake, a collection of short stories by China Mieville


I plan to read:
Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco
Love begins in winter : five stories
Mona Lisa Overdrive by William Gibson
Sourcery by Terry Pratchett


I reccomend that you read:
Akira
Perdido Street Station
Nightwatch
Paper Towns by John Green
Tomorrow's Table
100 Futures from Nature
The Book Thief

 
The relationship you have with the world is just like any other relationship. Every now and again, even if it's pissed you off for no good reason, you have to look it in the eyes and say:

I love you.


from 'I wrote this for you'

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -Jiddu Krishnamurti

Revising a 7-9 page paper, 4 questions with 2 paragraphs each, and revising a 5 (?) page paper.  It's due tomorrow, and I'm a moron.  The funny part though, is what the 2 cups of caffeinated green tea are doing to me.  This is the closest I ever want to get to substance abuse, if 2 cups of tea makes me want to puke.


Edit:  I'm REALLY WORRIED people seem to be taking this as advice.

 In the thick of things, it's easy to forget what matters.  Take ten minutes and relax.  Sit quietly and listen to the rain, to music, read a book, but stop.  Turn off your electronics and your overclocked brain and sit.  Remember what it feels like to be you.

Breathe deeply, and then exhale.

 I love William Wegman.

she's your dark lashed girl
folding thick curtains across the windows
rosy lips shut
stifling the breeze
hair shadowing her shuttered facade

but she leaves the windows open- just a crack
your warm voice blows in
coaxing
' open your doors
air out your linens
open your heart up, it's spring! '

 I'm not certain where I'm going with my life, or even where I am now.  However, I want one thing to always be true.  I never want someone to be able to honestly say "She didn't know a good thing when she had it."

Today, I am thinking about numbers.  I guess, what bothers me about counting things is that you see 18 events, or 1 unit of time, or two thousand people, and they are less than the sum of their parts.  The 18 events aren't what that event means to you anymore, they're a countdown, and that makes you sad.  The unit of time, although possibly significant, seems like it can't possibly contain all the events, both bad and good, that occurred during its duration.  And, when you see the two thousand people, you forget.  You forget each one has had a day, has their emotions, has a goal and a personality and a story that is not yours, and you can't ever learn them all, but the two thousand look so neat on paper, you feel like you can fill them into tiny little boxes and just say, this is what they are. 

Today was nice.  I went to the doctor's office and got a vaccine (intramuscular shots hurt unless you are a banana).   Then I had history class and I kind of need to stop interrupting my history teacher so much, but it feels so good to have something to say all the time, and to make people laugh, and to sort of channel some frustration out.  At lunch, in between studying, I received a lovely picture which is now taped to my wall.   I had a chem test, and then the physics homework wasn't due.  The universe seems to be favoring me for a little bit, on several fronts, so I best not take it for granted.  It's ac practice was mayhem, but again, I needed to let off some steam. I want to create again.  I want builds to come soon, 

I found this on the food blog serious eats.

Looking out the window when I woke up, I was reminded of a scene in Bone, where all of a sudden this thick blanket of snow falls from the sky like a white pancake.  All of a sudden, it's winter.  I guess this is true for a lot of my life, in the sense that changes occur at lot more suddenly than they used to.

It was a beautiful weekend. 

I made a bubble tea smoothie!



Also things are looking like they will improve soon.  Whee!

As magical as sophomore year was, junior year is true.

 We are maturing and developing as individuals at such a pace that every day we are hitting some as yet unknown point of no return.  The way I relate to people has changed dramatically this year, as well as my attitude toward everything.  Growing up hurts, but you can't have it any other way.  I can't see things the idealistic way I used to, I can't honestly claim to be happy every moment of my life, as I was for freshman year, but that's what life is about, it's about truth.  It's about accepting your feelings for what they are, and choosing to deal with them, or leave them alone.  It's knowing you can reach out to others and finally deciding to do so, even when it may be uncomfortable or feelings may be hurt.  It's the truth of realizing that others aren't yourself, that their motivations aren't transparent, that everyone has an agenda, and you need to learn to work with that.

 But most of all, the truth I am finding, is exactly what having friends around means to me.  Without the people I know now (and I'm certainly not going to claim to like all the people I know now) I'd be quiet.  It is by listening when people like you talk that I am able to speak and be who I am.  It is thanks to people like you that I know my suspicions are unfounded, my perceptions are true, and I, although an individual, am not alone in my characteristics.  This isn't something I can say with absolute clarity and knowledge, nor will I ever be able to make a certain statement, but at this moment, this is what growing up feels like, and this is the truth I have.

I love NYC! My mother and I took a bus up and are staying with our cousins on the Upper West Side. Today we walked through the meatpacking district and some of the Village.

Fantastic Things:

Chilly Hipsters in stylish pants
Dog Sweaters
Cannolis!
Pizza
Surreptitious glances at sketchy stores
A store called SHOEGASM
Marzipan Fruits
Bundling up for the cold
Architecture
Pigeons

I just love cities in genera with all the different styles of people and buildings coexisting and mingling.  Also, I am inordinately fond of public transportation.


meme stuff-  I have some ideas and will work on stuff next week.  

We can't live like this anymore.

Maybe it'll take something more drastic, but the combination of tree-hugging and economic incentive to use less should catalyze the changes we need.
( My resolution for 2009 is to consume less )

Happy new year.

when all things have been heard and seen  
unleash the pounding from your temples
      the drumbeat will not restore order
unfold your spine, stand tall
      the height will not give a new perspective
unbind your hair from its prescribed coils
      the rippling cascade will not cover the silence

you, with outstretched arms, in useless, limp gestures
lurch through the unravelling doorframe and look up
view the last unseen sight
feel the glorious symphony of your dying sun

Hi! This is the Student Life Editor from the  yearbook. We were wondering if you would be willing to write an article about the homecoming dance. It should be around 300 words long. Our theme this year is refraction and the angle we are trying to get is "branching off," "parts of a whole," "zooming in," or "taking a second look." If you could include some aspect of the theme in the article that would be great. You could also include quotes from other people involved with the activity, just be sure to include their names and emails. We would need the article by Wednesday night at the latest, but ask for an extension if you are really interested but need a little more time. If you are interested in writing this article please send us a reply as soon as possible. If you are unable to write, please recommend someone else that would be willing to write. Thank you for your time.


...........what?
Isn't this your job, yearbook staff?  Can't you give me a little more notice?  How did you find the most antisocial kid ever to write about homecoming?  I have to use a theme?  300 words?  Quotes?  AAAAARGH?

It's a pretty good opportunity to get published, though.

So, should I do it?  If so, what should I say. 

To survive this, I'll need to think fast and hard.  I won't have the energy to maintain my chipper, reassuring, little persona.  I will be fully myself and I advise you to stay out of my way. -Helen Beta Narbon
****************************************************************************
I am going insane.  I am finding things about myself and losing them again at an astonishing rate.  It's absolute madness, and it feels so, so excellent.  I'm dirty, I'm tired, I'm reckless, but I'm more myself than I've been in a while.  I'm blooming and glowing and crashing and running in circles inside my head.  I'm off balance and in a state of serenity and I'm just so overwhelmingly right at this moment, it's impossible to describe.

I am who I am
because there is music to be heard,
because there are smells and sights and flavours and textures  and the small beauties in every throbbing, unfurling facet of life, from the skeletal virus, to the city, to the dark unknown.,
because I can take my hands and create.
because there are the wind, the water, the stars strung out through black fingers of bare trees in the violet curtains of night,
because my existence has no purpose other than that which I select myself,
because of the indescribable frustration of maneuvering through tangled neurons trying to find the one thought that will pop me free of my fleshy shell, unfolding out the back of my head and into the universe,
there is beauty, there is pain, existence is joyful andIi don't have the words.